she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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