I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
