Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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