I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
