she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
