sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
