dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
