oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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