I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
