I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
