Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
