I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
