and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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