Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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