Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
