i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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