I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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