Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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