It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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