just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
