I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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