he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
