you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
