Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
