Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
