Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
