You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
