bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
