True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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