and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
