I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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