is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
