party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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