the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
