But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
