Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Randomize
