My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
