4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
