i think my mom watched the whole time
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
