You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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