dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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