You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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