Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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