Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
