pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you win again, gameday.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
