i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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