hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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