I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize