I accidentally had phone sex last night
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
