Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
God I need to hump something, right now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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