if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
