forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
