you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
