Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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