i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
