Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
