After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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