You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
