well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
