You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
