in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
