oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
