I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
