You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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