my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize