My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
