Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
