I heard we made out
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
